Comings and Goings

Mothering Sunday

Mothering Sunday


It was Mothering Sunday in the UK yesterday and I had a wonderful day. Having accidentally dropped a hint on ‘What’s App,’ my three children who live abroad remembered to send me cards, flowers, text messages and most importantly, their love. I am very fortunate though to have my youngest daughter and my adorable grandson living very near me. They came round for lunch bearing flowers and a beautiful gift that little Stanley had personalized. It is a ceramic train that he painted red and it has his little finger prints all over it ~ I will treasure it always.
As usual Mothering Sunday brings a mixture of feelings. It is less than 30 months since my mum died and my emotions are still very raw. My mother lived in the same road as me, which was great when I was caring for her. But now that the house is empty and up for sale, I find it sad to go there and deal with its disposal.
The house is on a corner plot. At the front there is a lovely park with a stream and woods beyond where my children played when they were young. In the distance there are the beautiful Cotswold Hills. After my mother became unable to move around, she sat at the front window literally 24 hours a day. She loved her views and the constantly changing scenes being played out ‘over the park’. The sequence of events has varied little over the years, although the main characters grow, move, die and are replaced.
Early in the mornings there is the noisy clatter of the milkman who still delivers pints in glass bottles to his customers of many years. When my son was a teenager he used to get up at 4am to help the milkman with his round to earn his pocket money, before going to school.
This is followed by the dog walkers who go out in all winds and weathers to exercise their dogs before going to work.
Next, the many locals who work at the Government Communications Headquarters (GCHQ) pass by. GCHQ is a major local employer and is housed in a magnificent building nicknamed ‘The Doughnut’, because of its unusual shape.
Sometime later, the mums, dads, grandparents or carers taking children to the nearby schools pass by, the children happily skipping and chatting as they rush along the pavement. The parents are usually struggling with pushchairs, schoolbags, toys and umbrellas. It is noticeable that no-one seems to use prams now, just very complex buggy systems.
Later the local retired men gather on the corner of the field having collected their daily newspaper. They sit on the bench, put there in memory of a previous resident, and put the world to rights.
Once the children are settled in school, the dog walkers come out in force. Some are on a mission and walk briskly from one end of the field to the other. Others gather in little groups to chat while the dogs run about, sniffing each other warily before chasing each other and playing boisterously together. There are professional dog walkers who bring 4, 5 or even 6 dogs at a time to get their daily exercise. Then there is the dog trainer, a very serious young man, who displays an impressive control over his beautiful sheepdogs as they sit, lie, wait, come or fetch at the sound of his voice or a brief series of whistles. His praise is their only reward.
Much later the local postman, Gary, comes and parks his little red van opposite the house. He must walk miles in a day but he is always cheerful and concerned for everyone on his round.
Occasionally, in an ageing community, there will be a paramedic’s car or an ambulance outside a house. News of this travels fast, usually via the hairdresser, which is how most local news is carried round the estate.
There have been a few dramas and terrible tragedies on the park in the past. Some years ago a distressed young man sat in the local pub talking to himself and having a pint of beer alone, with a rope beside him. Although people thought this was strange no-one thought to interrupt him, get involved, or get help. Later of course he was found hanging from a tree in the park. I do wonder if a well-chosen word, a friendly face, or an offer of help might have saved him. But people don’t like to intrude on others’ privacy.
Another young man was found dead in the playground after an apparent accidental overdose of drugs. Such a waste of a life, and so sad. The night does strange things to people and young men seem to be particularly at risk I think.
But most of the time the park is a happy, friendly place and the scene of a lot of fun and games.
Four years ago it was noticed that there were daffodil stems growing in a strange pattern on the grassy field. Now virtually every grass verge in the Cotswolds is covered in daffodils each March, either wild or cultivated. In Cheltenham it is the first thing that greets visitors to Cheltenham races. In the forest there are so many wild daffodils that there is a dedicated daffodil walk.
But it was very unusual to see them growing in this spot and they had appeared so mysteriously. As I walked my dog each day I noticed the pattern growing but it was not until the flowers appeared that the message was clear. The daffodils spelled out “MARRY ME”.
The local newspaper begged for details of who the romantic person was who planted this unusual proposal and eventually a young man owned up. He also revealed that his girlfriend had said “Yes”.
I walked there last night and the words are still visible. Isn’t that a lovely way to propose? I find it very touching.
I have lived opposite this park for 30 years and I never tire of it. It brings me a great deal of comfort to know that in her later years when she couldn’t get out and about, my mum was able to sit and enjoy this bustling and beautiful little corner of the world.
The house is empty and silent now except for prospective buyers being shown around it. No doubt they will renovate the whole place with new bathroom and kitchen and decor. My mum’s home will be unrecognizable and the past will be obliterated, every trace of the lovely couple who lived there will be gone. But they will never be forgotten.

If you still have parents, or anyone who is special to you, do tell them before its too late.
This poem was included in the funeral sheet for a dear friend of mine who used to travel ACROSS to Lourdes with us on the Jumbulance. I have written posts about our trips to Lourdes before. The poem was written by Susan M Greenwood of North West Hosanna House Group

If with pleasure you are viewing
Any work that I am doing,
If you like me, or you love me, tell me now.
Don’t withhold your approbation
Till the Father makes oration
And I lie with snowy lilies o’er my brow.
For no matter how you shout it,
I won’t care so much about it,
I won’t see how many tear drops you have shed.
If you think some praise is due me.
Now’s the time to slip it to me,
For I cannot read my tombstone when I’m dead.

More than fame and more than money
Is the comment warm and sunny,
Is the hearty warm approval of a friend.
For it gives to life a savour
And it makes me stronger, braver,
And it gives to me the spirit to the end.
If I earn your praise bestow it,
If you like me, let me know it,
Let the words of true encouragement be said.
Do not wait till life is over
And I’m underneath the clover,
For I cannot read my tombstone when I’m dead.

Grandma’s House

our tiny bungalow
Grandma’s house is very small
Just 2 bedrooms off the hall
A tiny kitchen, shiny-floored
A larder where my treats are stored
A shower with a seat inside
Wardrobes where doggy and I can hide
An archway leads into the lounge
Where furniture gets moved around
To make a station for my trains
Or an airport for ‘copters and planes
Sometimes it’s a racetrack for my cars
Or a farmyard with tractors, paddocks and barns
Grandma puts blankets over the table
To make a den, a forest or a stable
In the garden there’s gravel that scrunches when I walk
And a patio where I can draw pictures with chalk
In granddad’s shed there are drawers full of tools,
Boxes of nails, tubes of glue, jars of screws
A little mouse is nesting inside the wood store
While outside live birds, bees, hedgehogs and more
Grandma says her shed is a magical place
It’s furnished and carpeted and curtained with lace
Lavender hangs drying from the painted ceiling
While pine shelves are covered in things that have meaning
Like Icons from Finland, and medals from Lourdes
Calabash from Africa made out of gourds
Matrushkas from Moscow, maracas from Spain
I can’t wait for summer to play there again
Grandma loves it when I come to play
She makes indoor picnics we eat off a tray
She has lots of photos all over her wall
The best one is my mummy when she was small.
tunnel of love

PICKING HIBISCUS FLOWERS AT DAWN

What an amazing blog I discovered this morning. The post is so beautiful that I just had to pass it on to you x Enjoy~

“And so our mothers and grandmothers have, more often than not anonymously, handed on the creative spark, the seed of the flower they themselves never hoped to see – or like a sealed letter they could not plainly read.”

Alice Walker

via PICKING HIBISCUS FLOWERS AT DAWN.

Mary

This is a poem written on Poet’s Corner. It is deals with a sad condition which affects so many families now. Ageing relatives can grow confused and their lives shrink. But we must always remember to spend time with them, listen to them, and remember they have stories to tell of their lives. A photo, a song, a perfume, anything can turn the key on these locked stories. You will be richly rewarded for any efforts you make to find that key for your loved one.

Mary.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to all the lovely, talented, thoughtful and spiritual people who read and comment on my humble blog.  I have had so much pleasure from your posts and feel that I have got to know most of you personally.  2013 was such a busy year that I have not always managed to write as much as I would wish to, but in 2014  I will aim to be more focused!

The greatest joy of 2013 was watching little Stanley, my grandson, grow.  He was 1 year old on 1st December and he now walks and is a delight in every way.

If you want to see just how much he has changed and what he means to me you could re-read some of my posts about him.

 

I am a grandma!

Wishes and a quilt for Stanley

Pain

Small Stones 5 ~ Stanley’s first smile

Stanley’s growing up healthy ~ Haiku

New baby

Small Stones ~ Starry Night Haiku

Modern Madonna ~ Haiku Heights Day 7

Ripples


See how he has grown
Stanley with his first toolset 1

Race For Life

Inspired by haiku-heights prompt “measure”.

It was too darn hot

But the girls ran the distance

In the Race for Life

Like any mum I am really proud of all my children, but at the weekend two of my daughters exceeded even my expectations. They both run regularly to keep fit and are naturally competitive. They are also very caring people who do a great deal for charities that are close to their hearts. So they both signed up to run the Race for Life with the aim of raising money for Cancer Research charities.
It was a scorching hot day on Sunday as they donned their pink tee shirts and set off for the Racecourse. The organisers made no allowance for the heat and kept the runners out in the sun for an hour while they literally “warmed up”.
There were literally hundreds of runners on the course, some walking, some jogging and some running. But my girls both managed to run the 10k distance in less than 1 hour. An amazing feat in view of the heat and the crowds they had to battle through to finish.

Woodcarving

This post is inspired by the last two prompts from http://haiku-heights.blogspot.co.uk/

Mum's woodcarving

Mum’s woodcarving

Their hands held the tools

As they carved out the figure

That touches my heart

~

She whittled in wood,

Carved, chiselled and sanded.

A figure was formed

~

My parents now gone

Left a lasting impression

Character forming

~

She saw through the wood

A spirit living within

And set his soul free

~

Silent and stooping

The essence of pure sadness

Released from the wood

~

Working with the wood

His chiselled features forming

Smooth-sanded statue

The first prompt “fingerprint”, made me consider how special some things are to me simply because they belonged previously to, and were held by, someone I have loved. I was reminded especially of a figure that my mum carved out of wood many years ago. The wood was hard to work with so my dad helped with the chiselling and carving. I distinctly remember them both working away very happily at this piece of original craftwork, their fingerprints ingrained in the wood.
Gradually the character in the wood was revealed. It was a particularly striking piece I always thought, but my mum thought him a little gloomy for display in the house. So he lived on a plinth in the garden for years. As he stood battered by the weather he gradually looked more and more dejected.
The second prompt word is “sand” which fits nicely into the second stage in the life of this figure.
After my parents had both died the figure came to me. He was battered, discoloured and very rough but very precious to me, having been physically created by my parents. So my lovely husband took the figure off its rotten plinth, cleaned and sanded it down, then fixed the base. He still looks very careworn and dejected ~ the figure that is ~ not my husband, but I love it so much that it now sits on a shelf in my lounge.
I would not part with it at any price.

Daredevil ~ Haiku

Inspired by this week’s prompt from haikuheights which is the word Daredevil I was reminded of my nephew who is in the Metropolitan Police.  He faces possible danger on a daily basis but manages to stay calm and positive in the face of it all.

Lured into their trap

Alone he stands his ground as

Gang gathers round him

My son too is unflappable whether riding his motorbike across the world, diving deep under the oceans or climbing up devilish rockfaces.

Devil rock lures him

into death defying deeds

He claws at its face

rich climbing

 

Gone Fishing

It’s that time of year again when the weather is just about good enough for Gerry to go fishing ~ joy!

heavenhappens's avatarHeavenhappens

Under a fishing umbrella by the side of a lake in the pouring rain with husband and grandchildren, heaven happens.  There is nothing quite so exciting as being at the mercy of the elements but safe!  It appeals to our most basic human need for shelter and protection.  All our needs are met.  We are together, warm and dry and we have a picnic.  We are relaxed and at peace.  There is nothing we mustdo but enjoy ourselves.  It is a precious gift ~ time to be.  Grandchildren learn how to fish.  They watch the fluorescent tip of the float marking the place where the line enters the water.  The bait of sweetcorn gently drifts in the depths as we throw more corn in to attract the fish.  And it does.   The float waggles then dips down ~ a bite!    Ben gets the landing net ready and Rosie slides the…

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Small Stones ~ Starry Night Haiku

On a soft white cloud

As silver stars surround him

He silently sleeps

photo (7)

Tonight I sat and watched as Stanley slept unable to take my eyes off his tiny form ~ a miracle of perfect proportions.

ilovesmallstones
ilovesmallstones

 

A small stone is a short piece of writing (prose or poetry) that precisely captures a fully-engaged (mindful) moment. The process of finding small stones is as important as the finished product – searching for them will encourage you to keep your eyes, heart and mind open.

Haiku Heights ~ Script

The prompt for Haiku Heights this week is the word ‘script’.  I knew immediately what I wanted to write about but it is a painful memory.  When my father was very ill with cancer I would sit by his bed for hours on end whenever I was not at work.  He was a self taught man who left school at the age of 13 to work in the shipyards in the North of England where he lived.  He spent his whole life working with steel, eventually owning his own business.  He was in great demand as a consultant on huge projects from bridges to buildings like Canary Wharf in London and Terminal 4 at Heathrow.  He was also recognised as a bit of an expert on safety in Nuclear Power Stations which he used to inspect.  I absolutely adored him and shared his passion for bridges, buildings and anything of beauty.

Now my father kept a diary all his life and his last sentence on every entry was a prayer of thanks for his day. He always used a propelling pencil and wrote with a beautiful script.  As he got weaker his diary became really important to him.  However hard it was to write he would still insist on filling in the days news.  He recorded every visit by doctors, nurses, priests and friends.  The day before he died he was quite distressed that he could not hold his pencil and he insisted that I should write what he dictated, which I did.  When he fell asleep with the exhaustion of it I took a peek at his diary and I was totally shocked by what i found.  For the worst months of his illness he had ended every entry with a prayer to St Jude ~ patron Saint of Lost causes!  This was a bit upsetting.  But the really upsetting thing was that for the last two weeks his entries were in mirror writing.  Every word and line was written backwards.  It was still legible although the writing was getting rather spidery.

I found this deeply moving as it seemed to me that his life was going into reverse.  After he died I mentioned the mirror writing to the doctor and he said it sometimes happens as a result of neurological disturbance.  I suppose this would make sense as he was so ill and on strong pain relief.  But I still found it very unsettling.

I have heard since that some people like Leonardo Da Vinci used to do mirror writing.  It is a strange phenomenon still not fully understood.

As in a mirror

His writing flowed in reverse

His Life rewinding

Man of steel, my Angel of the North

Man of steel, my Angel of the North

Small Stones 5 ~ Stanley’s first smile

I can’t believe how quickly my grandson, Stanley is developing. he is 5 weeks old today and he is already smiling! I went for a long walk with him, Jenny his mummy and my little dog, Dayna today. It was wonderful as the weather is dry and mild again. The fields all around Gloucestershire are still waterlogged though with lots of flooding near the rivers. But for me there was only one thing that mattered today ~ Stanley’s smile.

No gold nor jewels
Could be as precious to me
As Stanley’s first smile

My mum and I in days gone by

My mum and I in days gone by

My mum and I in days gone by.  It is 6 years since my mum died, it has gone by so quickly in some ways, yet so slowly in others.  I reckon I think about her more now than ever before.  Today I visited her grave and put her favourite pink flowers there.  It is in a perfect setting near the hills above Cheltenham, ina lawned   garden.  The trees are all golden, orange and red now that Autumn is here and they look so beautiful.  She would have enjoyed that.

As We Look Back ~ unknown

As we look back over time
We find ourselves wondering …..
Did we remember to thank you enough
For all you have done for us?
For all the times you were by our sides
To help and support us …..
To celebrate our successes
To understand our problems
And accept our defeats?
Or for teaching us by your example,
The value of hard work, good judgement,
Courage and integrity?
We wonder if we ever thanked you
For the sacrifices you made.
To let us have the very best?
And for the simple things
Like laughter, smiles and times we shared?
If we have forgotten to show our
Gratitude enough for all the things you did,
We’re thanking you now.
And we are hoping you knew all along,
How much you meant to us.

Battlefield ~ Haiku

Todays Haiku Heights word is Battlefield.  This stirred up lots of poems in my head ~

My father in law was in the Arctic Convoys.  He served on the destroyer HMS Liverpool guarding merchant navy vessels taking supplies to the beleaguered Russians via Murmansk.  His ship was torpedoed twice in the Mediterranean but he survived the war.

Foes in the fjords

Death lurks in depth for Allied

Atlantic convoys.

My uncle Robert fought and died in Burma as part of the “forgotten army”.  Because they had no supplies and no radios they didn’t even know that the war was over so kept on fighting.  Uncle Robert was killed after the official end of the war so his widow did not get a war pension!

Forgotten fighters

in the jungles of Burma

fought and died in vain.

Of course people at home in the UK fought their own battles and lived through countless air raids.  The things they feared most were the doodle bugs which made a dreadful whining noise overhead.  But the most worrying time was when the whining stopped, as that meant the bombs were falling! 

Air raid warning as

Doodle Bugs whine overhead.

Silence brings despair.

Many young children were evacuated from cities to relative safety in the countryside which brought its own terrors.

Evacuated!

Human fish out of water

blitzed from city homes.

Hummingbird hawkmoth ~ Haiku

Hummingbird hawkmoth

In Autumn hedgerow

Hummingbird Hawkmoth hovers

Foreign visitor

Humming Bird Hawk Moth (Macroglossum stellatarum)

  • Wingspan 40 – 50 mm
  • Not a native to the UK.
  • Description: large proboscis and antenna, fan tailed thorax, orange hindwings and grey-brown fore-wings, marked with two black lateral stripes.
  • Takes its name from the habit of flitting between blooms collecting nectar with its long proboscis, with a flight pattern resembling that of the humming bird.
  • Although it has occasionally been known to overwinter in southern counties, this day flying moth is largely a migrant from the continent, flying any time from  spring to October.
  • A prolonged spell of warm summer weather and a southerly prevailing wind, can result in a fairly large presence of the humming hawk moths in the UK.

I have spotted these exotic visitors to England only twice; once in my garden, and once at the nursing home where my mum lived for the last 18 months of her life.

I read somewhere that the hummingbird hawkmoth is considered a good luck omen in malta and Italy.  Apparently a swarm of them was seen crossing the English Channel flying towards England on the day of the D Day landings in 1944.  My sighting was not such a good omen as I wrote in a previous post amended below!

“Just last year we sat in the garden on a sunny autumn Thursday, my mother and I.  We saw a hummingbird hawkmoth, a rare visitor to the UK.  Like a large bee crossed with a moth, it hovered over the flowers like a hummingbird.   We were at the The Owlpen, mum’s care home, enjoying the last warm days of the year.  Sitting with us were Diana, Phyllis, Agnes and a lovely Welsh lady who didn’t speak at all.   Agnes spotted a plane with four wings flying round and round in circles.  A training flight we thought or maybe a pleasure flight.  No-one else noticed it.  Diana was earnestly knitting hats for merchant seamen.  She has made hundreds over the years from wool that people bring her.  She says it keeps her mind alert and her hands busy.  She doesn’t need a pattern now, she knows the stitches so well, but she has to concentrate on counting the rows.   Phyllis is a large lady with sparkly eyes, very little hair, and sorely swollen legs.  She has difficulty walking and forgets where she has put her stick.  She loves to chat about her grandchildren and to hear about other people’s.  Agnes is mum’s best friend at the Owlpen.  She is a lovely cultured lady who reads the Times from cover to cover every day to ‘keep abreast of the news’. Agnes enjoys good conversation but gets cross with herself when she can’t remember the words she wants to say.

Mum’s eyes do not sparkle today.  They look milky and dull like an aged pet.  She is not joining in the conversation and does not appear to be enjoying the lovely day.  It worries me that she seems so quiet and a bit confused.  I fear she is fading in mind and body so I ask the nurse to make an appointment for the doctor to visit.

On Monday I arrive early to be there when the doctor comes.  He is young, gentle and kind and asks mum lots of questions.  She is overawed by him and doesn’t want to be a nuisance so she says she is fine.  I gently coax the symptoms out of her.  Didn’t you have a pain in your tummy mum?  “Yes, a little bit”.  Doesn’t it hurt your back when you are moved mum?  “Yes, a little bit”.  Haven’t you gone off your food because it makes you sick mum?  “Yes, a little bit”.  Bless her, it breaks my heart to see how dependent and deferential she has become.  Where is the proud, strong, creative lady?  What happened to the northern matriarch who watched over the whole extended family for the last sixty years?

The doctor says he won’t distress her further as she seems a bit down.  So I stay for the whole day.  We read the book of Old Gateshead and go down ‘memory lane’.  We have coffee and share a bit of cake.  At lunchtime I sit with her and she manages to eat a whole bowl of soup.  She is so animated now that we decide to have a girlie afternoon.  Fortunately I had brought my manicure set and some nail varnish.  I cut her nails and massage her hands with Wild Rose Beauty Balm from Neal’s Yard.  Then I buff the nails to smooth them and paint them Midnight Bronze.  By the time I leave she looks relaxed and radiant, and the room is filled with the smell of roses.  I have never felt closer to her and I will treasure the memory of that day forever.  My mum died before the week was out.

I would give the world to be able to see my mum today, take her for a drive, or make her a special lunch.”

http://youtu.be/4SI6Lu9LeBI

Haiku Heights prompt ~ Starve

Girls chat on smart phones

As babies sit in puschairs

Starved of attention.

I notice these days as I wander about that everyone seems to be on the phone chatting.  Of course smart phones are wonderful in emergencies or for generally keeping in touch when  away from home.  But the one time I get really upset is when I see a young mum or dad with a precious baby in a pram, or a toddler pottering alongside them, being IGNORED!  This time before children start school is so special and it will never come back.  I wish I could say to the parents or carers, “Please put the phone away and talk to the child!”   I would say that conversation is one of the most basic needs that every child has a right to.  It stimulates interest in their surroundings; develops their relationships; makes them feel safe, loved and cared for; promotes curiosity; and opens the way to learning.  Tone of voice used, making eye contact and paying attention to the child are really important factors in encouraging his or her self confidence and self esteem.  Conversation also increases the child’s vocabulary and their speaking and listening skills, which are vital first steps towards learning.

So please do yourself and your child a favour “TURN OFF YOUR PHONE & TALK TO YOUR CHILD!”

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Hearts under the hammer

There are some things that are just too sad to write stories about and so I write Haiku.

Scored in syllables

Sharp shards of sorrow spill out

solaced by sharing.

One of these is the auction of of my parents’ possessions, relics of my past.  The setting was ironic ~ an old school, and the weather was in tune with my feelings ~ the heavens hurling their hurt on the deserted playground.

 The timing could not have been worse, viewing on what would have been my father’s 89th birthday.  There is no happy ending here, a family stripped of its history under a hammer, and the grieving just goes deeper.

Some of the antique dolls mum lovingly collected over the years

Gone Fishing

Under a fishing umbrella by the side of a lake in the pouring rain with husband and grandchildren, heaven happens.  There is nothing quite so exciting as being at the mercy of the elements but safe!  It appeals to our most basic human need for shelter and protection.  All our needs are met.  We are together, warm and dry and we have a picnic.  We are relaxed and at peace.  There is nothing we must do but enjoy ourselves.  It is a precious gift ~ time to be.  Grandchildren learn how to fish.  They watch the fluorescent tip of the float marking the place where the line enters the water.  The bait of sweetcorn gently drifts in the depths as we throw more corn in to attract the fish.  And it does.   The float waggles then dips down ~ a bite!    Ben gets the landing net ready and Rosie slides the unhooking mat into place.  The mat is clean and padded to protect the fish from injury or infection.  Gerry reels it in and Ben slips the net into the water and under the fish, gently lifting it clear of the water.    It’s heavy, maybe 8lbs.  A beautiful mirror carp.  It has a golden belly and silver scales along each side of the backbone.  The hook slips easily out of its mouth with the help of tiny forceps.  The children take a photograph of this beautiful creature then it is placed gently back in the net and returned to the lake.  We don’t throw the fish back like the match fishermen.  We let it rest in the net for a few minutes then tilt the net so it can swim out safely, unharmed.

The rain stops, ducks settle on the bank.  The sun comes out to end the day on a glorious note.   The match fishermen leave, but we stay to watch the sun go down.  The sky glows golden and the lake glitters.  Flies abound and the fish leap up to catch them.  Bats swirl around silently.  Then huge wings darken the sky as three herons appear over the tree tops.  They dominate the lake as they swoop down and help themselves to a fish supper.

It is an amazing sight and all we can do is watch in awe, then write Haiku about it!

Sun sets, fishing stops

Herons hover overhead

Fish glide into reeds

Grandad teaching Ben to fish, Rosie practising with a stick!

He’s got it!

Heron waiting for a fish supper

Mothering Sunday

Missing you Mum on Mother’s Day
Just five months ago we sat in the garden on a sunny autumn Thursday, my mother and I.  We saw a hummingbird hawkmoth, a rare visitor to the UK.  Like a large bee crossed with a moth, it hovered over the flowers like a hummingbird.   We were at the The Owlpen, mum’s care home, enjoying the last warm days of the year.  Sitting with us were Diana, Phyllis, Agnes and a lovely Welsh lady who didn’t speak at all.   Agnes spotted a plane with four wings flying round and round in circles.  A training flight we thought or maybe a pleasure flight.  No-one else noticed it.  Diana was earnestly knitting hats for merchant seamen.  She has made hundreds over the years from wool that people bring her.  She says it keeps her mind alert and her hands busy.  She doesn’t need a pattern now, she knows the stitches so well, but she has to concentrate on counting the rows.   Phyllis is a large lady with sparkly eyes, very little hair, and sorely swollen legs.  She has difficulty walking and forgets where she has put her stick.  She loves to chat about her grandchildren and to hear about other people’s.  Agnes is mum’s best friend at the Owlpen.  She is a lovely cultured lady who reads the Times from cover to cover every day to ‘keep abreast of the news’. Agnes enjoys good conversation but gets cross with herself when she can’t remember the words she wants to say.
Mum’s eyes do not sparkle today.  They look milky and dull like an aged pet.  She is not joining in the conversation and does not appear to be enjoying the lovely day.  It worries me that she seems so quiet and a bit confused.  I fear she is fading in mind and body so I ask the nurse to make an appointment for the doctor to visit.  
On Monday I arrive early to be there when the doctor comes.  He is young, gentle and kind and asks mum lots of questions.  She is overawed by him and doesn’t want to be a nuisance so she says she is fine.  I gently coax the symptoms out of her.  Didn’t you have a pain in your tummy mum?  “Yes, a little bit”.  Doesn’t it hurt your back when you are moved mum?  “Yes, a little bit”.  Haven’t you gone off your food because it makes you sick mum?  “Yes, a little bit”.  Bless her, it breaks my heart to see how dependent and deferential she has become.  Where is the proud, strong, creative lady?  What happened to the northern matriarch who watched over the whole extended family for the last sixty plus years?
The doctor says he won’t distress her further as she seems a bit down.  So I stay for the whole day.  We read the book of Old Gateshead and go down ‘memory lane’.  We have coffee and share a bit of cake.  At lunchtime I sit with her and she manages to eat a whole bowl of soup.  She is so animated now that we decide to have a girlie afternoon.  Fortunately I brought my manicure set and some nail varnish.  I cut her nails and massage her hands with Wild Rose Beauty Balm from Neal’s Yard.  Then I buff the nails to smooth them and paint them Midnight Bronze.  By the time I leave she looks relaxed and radiant, and the room is filled with the smell of roses.  I have never been happier in my life and I will treasure the memory of that day forever.  My mum died before the week was out. 
Next Sunday is Mothering Sunday and the pink roses she loved will go on her grave. 
I would give the world to be able to buy her a card, take her for a drive, or make her a special lunch.